16 tons of student debt

The chatGPT thing that you’re starting to hear about is at least as important to the future of humanity as the internet was in 1995.    If I was to describe it in one sentence, it has an uncanny ability to synthesize all of human knowledge with very accurate insights. (As long as you don’t behave in “unethical!”  ways)

My request: 

Rewrite the lyrics for “16 Tons” as if sung by an unemployed political science PhD demanding the government forgive his student loans:

The result:

I was born one morning, it was drizzling rain
Raised in a college town, never knew no pain
But I got my degree, and I thought I was free
Until the student loans came and they shackled me

You load 16 tons of debt on my back
And what do you get? A broke intellectual hack
St. Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to Sallie Mae, don’t you know

I studied politics, theories and stats
I thought I’d change the world, I’d have a few pats
On the back for the research I’d do
But now I’m just a bum with a PhD, it’s true

You load 16 tons of debt on my back
And what do you get? A broke intellectual hack
St. Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to Sallie Mae, don’t you know

I wrote my dissertation, defended with pride
But the job market’s tough, and I’m dead inside
I teach adjunct classes, no benefits or pay
But the loans keep coming, they won’t go away

You load 16 tons of debt on my back
And what do you get? A broke intellectual hack
St. Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to Sallie Mae, don’t you know

So here’s my demand, to the powers that be
Forgive my loans, set my intellect free
I’ll still teach and write, contribute my part
But I can’t do it broke, with this weight on my heart

You load 16 tons of debt on my back
And what do you get? A broke intellectual hack
St. Peter don’t you call me ’cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to Sallie Mae, don’t you know

Bravo!

If you don’t like that version, you can click regenerate and keep making one until you do like it

Some people say a man’s made out of muscle and bone
But this PhD’s made out of debt and loans
My education cost me a mountain of cash
But now I’m unemployed and my dreams are smashed

You load sixteen tons, and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
I owe my soul to the government loans
And my degree’s worth less than a pile of stones

I went to college with the promise of a bright future
But now I’m stuck with a bill I can’t nurture
I studied hard and earned my degree
But now I’m broke and can’t even afford tea

You load sixteen tons, and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
I owe my soul to the government loans
And my degree’s worth less than a pile of stones

I’m not asking for a handout or a free ride
I just want a chance to get my life back in stride
Forgiving my loans would give me a fresh start
And help me rebuild my broken heart

You load sixteen tons, and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
I owe my soul to the government loans
And my degree’s worth less than a pile of stones

So please, Congress, hear my plea
Don’t let me drown in this debt sea
Forgive my loans and set me free
And I promise to pay it forward for eternity.