Need an idea

Mentioned maybe a month ago was that I put my “naked” email address in the footer of the web site, enabling “one click” to initiate email contact.

Give it a try 🙂

When the mailto: link is clicked it pretypes the beginning of the message as
——————————————–
Hello Owner of Streaming Radio Guide,

I would like to…
——————————————-
Even with that cl00, I’m still getting emails like “Hey, loved that song you played at 8:32 am – can you tell me what the name is?”

Of course, I’m flooded with “partnership” requests from advertising sites in India, but that i expected.

So how can I make it more clear? Back in the days of Usenet, there was a running joke of the “standard” form that was sent to people who obviously had no idea what they were doing.

Here is an example from the C message group
———————————————————————————–


STANDARDIZED BONEHEAD REPLY FORM
comp.lang.c version
(original by David Parsons)
(modified by David Fetter and Kurt Schumacher)
(comp.lang.c bits by Alan Curry)
(even more comp.lang.c bits by Jens Schweikhardt)

#ifdef HUMOR_IMPAIRED
ISO 9899:1990 states in the ‘as-if rule’:
Every line checked with an ‘X’ must be
read as if followed by a smiley 🙂
#endif

Dear:
___ Klewless Wonder ___ Lamer ___ Spammer
___ Password cracker wannabe ___ Terminal junkie ___ BorlandBoy
___ Netcruiser idiot ___ Troll ___ Moron
___ Warez kiddie ___ Loser ___ Newbie
___ Homework cheater ___ ME-TOOer ___ Kook

I took exception to your recent post to (newsgroup)___comp.lang.c___.

It was (check all that apply):

___ Stupid.
___ Boring.
___ Much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

You are being flamed because:

___ What you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ Your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of ____________________.
(net.personality)
___ Your post/mail originated on ___ FidoNet
___ Delphi
___ AOL
___ Compuserve
___ Prodigy
___ MSN
___ You posted using Netscape.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And it turned your post into a mini-spam of ___ identical posts.
___ And it failed to insert a newline between the quoted text and
your original text.
___ Your post was in HTML.
___ Which was appended to the ASCII version.
___ You posted without reading the FAQ.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ You asked a question listed in the FAQ’s index.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ You matched it word for word.
___ You posted an IAQ.
___ You answered an IAQ.
___ Like in the IAQ itself.
___ Your answer is a candidate for the IAQ.
___ You posted an obvious homework assignment.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Without even trying to hide it.
___ Your attempt to hide it as a contest failed.
___ Miserably.
___ You suggested that posting without reading the FAQ should be tolerated.
___ You suggested that a moderated comp.lang.c should be created.
___ Your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile.
___ You posted a chain letter.
___ You posted a “YOU ALL SUCK” message.
___ You suck.
___ You posted a job offer.
___ You posted a “test” in a non-test newsgroup.
___ You posted a binary file to a non-binary newsgroup.
___ You posted in comp.lang.c because
(Mark only if above checked)
___ comp.std.c didn’t answer your off-topic post.
___ The moderators of comp.lang.c.moderated rejected it.
___ You posted C++ code to a C group.
(Mark only if above also)
___ And your C++ code was pathetically wrong.
___ You claim that C is a subset of C++.
___ You claim that C++ is a superset of C.
___ All of the above.
___ You bitched about being told to take your OS-specific questions to an
OS-specific group.
___ You fell for a troll/flamebait.
___ On April 1st.
___ You do not know how to recognize sarcasm/irony/humor.
___ Even when you’ve been told or warned.
___ You bragged about your reputation as a C guru among all your other
Borlandite friends.
___ You asked for flash.c, nuke.c, or another destructive program/script.
___ You flamed someone for flaming newbies.
___ You suggested that we be nice to newbies.
___ You were grumpy for no reason at all.
___ You were nice where you should have been grumpy.
___ Your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
___ It was done clumsily.
___ You have a lame login name.
___ Your machine has a stupid name.
___ You posted an original article/letter with no new text and no quoted text.
___ You quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines
of text.
___ You quoted an article in followup and only added the line “Me, too!!!”
___ You asked for replies via email because you “don’t read this group”.
___ You flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ One of the Holy Trinity
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Dan
___ Peter
___ Lawrence
___ You quoted authorities in a false attempt to prove your point
___ One of the other Holy Trinity
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Clive D. W.
___ Tanmoy
___ Doug
___ and said authority feels ashamed to be misused this way.
___ You haven’t grasped a detailed explanation.
___ Not even when brought to you by Steve Summit.
___ Not even after a private email lesson by Steve.
___ You sided with
___ Scott Nudds
___ Some other net.nuisance named _________________.
___ You suggested micro-optimizations.
___ And asserted that ++i; is faster than i = i + 1;

We looked at the source you posted and were disgusted because

___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard library function(s).
(Mark all that apply)
___ getch(), getche()
___ clrscr()
___ kbhit()
___ bzero(), bcopy()
___ strdup(), strcasecmp(), stricmp(), strnicmp(), or strncasecmp()
___ FindFirst() and/or FindNext()
___ PC BIOS calls
___ Other _____________________.
___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard language features:
(Mark all that apply)
___ void main
___ int32, u_int16, etc.
___ inline functions
___ asm(), __asm__(), etc.
___ far pointers
___ fork
___ Other _____________________.
___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard headers:
(Mark all that apply)
___
___
___
___
___ Other _____________________.
___ You mentioned ___ OS specific features:
(Mark all that apply)
___ DLLs
___ shared libraries
___ interrupts
___ processes
___ serial communications
___ printers
___ threads
___ Other ___________________________________.
___ It was not formatted in the 1TBS (One True Brace Style).
___ It invokes ___ instantiations of undefined behaviour.
___ All of this could have been easily avoided by
___ Compiling the rubbish in strict ANSI mode before posting.
___ Not supressing the compilation warnings.
___ Using lint.
___ Adding the maths library at link time.

Regarding Standard C we are deeply shocked that

___ You said that since your nonstandard feature/function is supported by
both Borland *and* Microsoft, it should be considered standard.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And you prohibited MSN from carrying your post.
___ You misquoted from or made false claims about ISO 9899:1990.
___ Because you quoted someone else’s misquote.
___ You never read it.
___ You quoted from the Schildt version including the fly specks.
___ You haven’t look at Amendment One and TCs.
___ Your question is based on the assumption that stdout is a screen and
stdin is a keyboard.
___ Your question is based on the assumption that all computers *have*
screens and keyboards.

The net.police has found the following violations of netiquette:

___ Your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Usenet News
Network Security & Standards Patrol
3 Cielo Vista Terrace
Monterey, CA 93940
or your posting privileges will be canceled.
___ Your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
___ Your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ YOUR POST CONTAINED EXCESSIVE CAPITALIZATION AND/OR PUNCTUATION!!!!!
___ Your post contains
___ MIME encoded
___ uuencoded
___ otherwise encoded (please specify: ___________)
___ C source.
___ C++ source.
___ core dumps.
___ screen shots.
___ You quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ You quoted an empty article.
___ And it was a followup.
___ To your own article.
___ And it’s *still* empty. Nerd.
___ Your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ You failed to check the “Followups-To:” line.
___ Your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your newsreader truncated it.

Oh yeah, and while we’re at it:

___ Your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ You listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ You listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ You listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ You included a stupid disclaimer.
___ You included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ A stupid self-quote.
___ A stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ Lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ And you stated that you don’t speak for your employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
___ Sleeping cat
___ Kilroy

Furthermore:

___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___comp.lang.c___.
(newsgroup)
___ Your post contains the following instantiations of bogosity:
___ “Works for me”
___ When in fact it doesn’t.
___ “Hope this helps”
___ When it’s hopeless.
___ I don’t like your tone of voice.
___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless.
___ *plonk*
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
___ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
___ Give up your idiot-friendly GUI account.
___ Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it.
___ Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor.
___ Read the FAQ at http://www.eskimo.com/~scs/C-faq/top.html
___ And learn it by heart.
___ Read the IAQ.
___ And learn it by heart.
___ Clue yourself about C at http://www.lysator.liu.se/c/
___ Answer the cl00 f0ne.
___ Stick to FidoNet and come back when you’ve grown up.
___ Stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
___ Crawl back under the DOS box you slithered out of.
___ Get a real computer.
___ Get a real OS.
___ Get a real compiler.
___ Give us a break.
___ Be Guest of Honor in alt.flame for a week.

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2 Responses to Need an idea

  1. briand75 says:

    Ah yes. People behaving badly because they are “anonymous”. A wonderful period in time (tongue planted in cheek). Sadly it continues to this day.

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