Need an idea

Mentioned maybe a month ago was that I put my “naked” email address in the footer of the web site, enabling “one click” to initiate email contact.

Give it a try 🙂

When the mailto: link is clicked it pretypes the beginning of the message as
Hello Owner of Streaming Radio Guide,

I would like to…
Even with that cl00, I’m still getting emails like “Hey, loved that song you played at 8:32 am – can you tell me what the name is?”

Of course, I’m flooded with “partnership” requests from advertising sites in India, but that i expected.

So how can I make it more clear? Back in the days of Usenet, there was a running joke of the “standard” form that was sent to people who obviously had no idea what they were doing.

Here is an example from the C message group

comp.lang.c version
(original by David Parsons)
(modified by David Fetter and Kurt Schumacher)
(comp.lang.c bits by Alan Curry)
(even more comp.lang.c bits by Jens Schweikhardt)

ISO 9899:1990 states in the ‘as-if rule’:
Every line checked with an ‘X’ must be
read as if followed by a smiley 🙂

___ Klewless Wonder ___ Lamer ___ Spammer
___ Password cracker wannabe ___ Terminal junkie ___ BorlandBoy
___ Netcruiser idiot ___ Troll ___ Moron
___ Warez kiddie ___ Loser ___ Newbie
___ Homework cheater ___ ME-TOOer ___ Kook

I took exception to your recent post to (newsgroup)___comp.lang.c___.

It was (check all that apply):

___ Stupid.
___ Boring.
___ Much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.

You are being flamed because:

___ What you posted/said has been done before.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
___ Your post/letter was a pathetic imitation of ____________________.
___ Your post/mail originated on ___ FidoNet
___ Delphi
___ AOL
___ Compuserve
___ Prodigy
___ MSN
___ You posted using Netscape.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And it turned your post into a mini-spam of ___ identical posts.
___ And it failed to insert a newline between the quoted text and
your original text.
___ Your post was in HTML.
___ Which was appended to the ASCII version.
___ You posted without reading the FAQ.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ You asked a question listed in the FAQ’s index.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ You matched it word for word.
___ You posted an IAQ.
___ You answered an IAQ.
___ Like in the IAQ itself.
___ Your answer is a candidate for the IAQ.
___ You posted an obvious homework assignment.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Without even trying to hide it.
___ Your attempt to hide it as a contest failed.
___ Miserably.
___ You suggested that posting without reading the FAQ should be tolerated.
___ You suggested that a moderated comp.lang.c should be created.
___ Your post referred to the newsgroup as a Board, BBoard, BBS, or Notesfile.
___ You posted a chain letter.
___ You posted a “YOU ALL SUCK” message.
___ You suck.
___ You posted a job offer.
___ You posted a “test” in a non-test newsgroup.
___ You posted a binary file to a non-binary newsgroup.
___ You posted in comp.lang.c because
(Mark only if above checked)
___ comp.std.c didn’t answer your off-topic post.
___ The moderators of comp.lang.c.moderated rejected it.
___ You posted C++ code to a C group.
(Mark only if above also)
___ And your C++ code was pathetically wrong.
___ You claim that C is a subset of C++.
___ You claim that C++ is a superset of C.
___ All of the above.
___ You bitched about being told to take your OS-specific questions to an
OS-specific group.
___ You fell for a troll/flamebait.
___ On April 1st.
___ You do not know how to recognize sarcasm/irony/humor.
___ Even when you’ve been told or warned.
___ You bragged about your reputation as a C guru among all your other
Borlandite friends.
___ You asked for flash.c, nuke.c, or another destructive program/script.
___ You flamed someone for flaming newbies.
___ You suggested that we be nice to newbies.
___ You were grumpy for no reason at all.
___ You were nice where you should have been grumpy.
___ Your post/letter was an obvious forgery.
___ It was done clumsily.
___ You have a lame login name.
___ Your machine has a stupid name.
___ You posted an original article/letter with no new text and no quoted text.
___ You quoted an article/letter in followup and only added ___ lines
of text.
___ You quoted an article in followup and only added the line “Me, too!!!”
___ You asked for replies via email because you “don’t read this group”.
___ You flamed someone who has been around far longer than you.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ One of the Holy Trinity
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Dan
___ Peter
___ Lawrence
___ You quoted authorities in a false attempt to prove your point
___ One of the other Holy Trinity
(Mark only if above checked)
___ Clive D. W.
___ Tanmoy
___ Doug
___ and said authority feels ashamed to be misused this way.
___ You haven’t grasped a detailed explanation.
___ Not even when brought to you by Steve Summit.
___ Not even after a private email lesson by Steve.
___ You sided with
___ Scott Nudds
___ Some other net.nuisance named _________________.
___ You suggested micro-optimizations.
___ And asserted that ++i; is faster than i = i + 1;

We looked at the source you posted and were disgusted because

___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard library function(s).
(Mark all that apply)
___ getch(), getche()
___ clrscr()
___ kbhit()
___ bzero(), bcopy()
___ strdup(), strcasecmp(), stricmp(), strnicmp(), or strncasecmp()
___ FindFirst() and/or FindNext()
___ PC BIOS calls
___ Other _____________________.
___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard language features:
(Mark all that apply)
___ void main
___ int32, u_int16, etc.
___ inline functions
___ asm(), __asm__(), etc.
___ far pointers
___ fork
___ Other _____________________.
___ You mentioned ___ nonstandard headers:
(Mark all that apply)
___ Other _____________________.
___ You mentioned ___ OS specific features:
(Mark all that apply)
___ DLLs
___ shared libraries
___ interrupts
___ processes
___ serial communications
___ printers
___ threads
___ Other ___________________________________.
___ It was not formatted in the 1TBS (One True Brace Style).
___ It invokes ___ instantiations of undefined behaviour.
___ All of this could have been easily avoided by
___ Compiling the rubbish in strict ANSI mode before posting.
___ Not supressing the compilation warnings.
___ Using lint.
___ Adding the maths library at link time.

Regarding Standard C we are deeply shocked that

___ You said that since your nonstandard feature/function is supported by
both Borland *and* Microsoft, it should be considered standard.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And you prohibited MSN from carrying your post.
___ You misquoted from or made false claims about ISO 9899:1990.
___ Because you quoted someone else’s misquote.
___ You never read it.
___ You quoted from the Schildt version including the fly specks.
___ You haven’t look at Amendment One and TCs.
___ Your question is based on the assumption that stdout is a screen and
stdin is a keyboard.
___ Your question is based on the assumption that all computers *have*
screens and keyboards.

The net.police has found the following violations of netiquette:

___ Your post contained commercial advertising.
THE FINE FOR THIS IS $20. Please remit immediately to:
Usenet News
Network Security & Standards Patrol
3 Cielo Vista Terrace
Monterey, CA 93940
or your posting privileges will be canceled.
___ Your post/letter contained numerous spelling errors.
___ Your post/letter contained multiple grammatical errors.
___ Your post contains
___ MIME encoded
___ uuencoded
___ otherwise encoded (please specify: ___________)
___ C source.
___ C++ source.
___ core dumps.
___ screen shots.
___ You quoted an article/letter in followup and added no new text.
___ You quoted an empty article.
___ And it was a followup.
___ To your own article.
___ And it’s *still* empty. Nerd.
___ Your lines are 80 columns wide or wider.
___ You failed to check the “Followups-To:” line.
___ Your .sig is longer than four lines.
(Mark only if above checked)
___ And your newsreader truncated it.

Oh yeah, and while we’re at it:

___ Your .sig is ridiculous because (check all that apply):
___ You listed ___ snail mail address(es).
(Mark only if above checked)
___ You listed a nine-digit ZIP code.
___ You listed ___ phone numbers for people to use in prank calls.
___ You included a stupid disclaimer.
___ You included:
(Mark all that apply)
___ A stupid self-quote.
___ A stupid quote from a net.nobody.
___ Lame ASCII graphic(s) (Choose all that apply):
___ USS Enterprise
___ Australia
___ The Amiga logo
___ Company logo
(Mark only if above also)
___ And you stated that you don’t speak for your employer.
___ Bicycle
___ Bart Simpson
___ Sleeping cat
___ Kilroy


___ You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of ___comp.lang.c___.
___ Your post contains the following instantiations of bogosity:
___ “Works for me”
___ When in fact it doesn’t.
___ “Hope this helps”
___ When it’s hopeless.
___ I don’t like your tone of voice.
___ You must have spent your entire life in a skinner box to be this clueless.
___ *plonk*
___ This has been pointed out to you before.
___ It is recommended that you:
(Mark all that apply)
___ Give up your idiot-friendly GUI account.
___ Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it.
___ Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor.
___ Read the FAQ at
___ And learn it by heart.
___ Read the IAQ.
___ And learn it by heart.
___ Clue yourself about C at
___ Answer the cl00 f0ne.
___ Stick to FidoNet and come back when you’ve grown up.
___ Stop reading Usenet news and get a life.
___ Crawl back under the DOS box you slithered out of.
___ Get a real computer.
___ Get a real OS.
___ Get a real compiler.
___ Give us a break.
___ Be Guest of Honor in alt.flame for a week.

This entry was posted in About the Guide, Complaints. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Need an idea

  1. briand75 says:

    Ah yes. People behaving badly because they are “anonymous”. A wonderful period in time (tongue planted in cheek). Sadly it continues to this day.

Leave a Reply